'Beat the clock’ with children who hesitate to act appropriately.

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Children who misbehave often do so because they see it as an option of more fun than the good behavior their parents are trying to teach them to combat. Parents can work to make good behavior a fun for their child. One great way to turn good behaviour into fun is a behavioural game to play where patience is nurtured. Design a game where the child needs to wait for his turn.

“Beat the clock’ with children who hesitate to act appropriately.

Discussing good behaviour with children:

Children need to understand that while it can be fun to engage in good behavior, it can be serious to engage in nasty behaviour.

Game beat the clock:

It’s a simple game that is usually embraced by children. It is a way for parents to time their children  when performing a certain tasks such as making their bed, getting dressed or picking up their toys because they are being timed. Note the timings of their activities slow/fast.

One child seven years old, quite competitive and perfectionist but gets angry and frustrated if others do better than him or if he is unhappy with his own work he goes into sulky strops but at home where he can be given space and ignored the last minute but at school over the last few months its all got out of hand.

I feel the school mishandled situations initially. A minor incident such as tearing up his own picture resulted in five members of staff getting involved, then he was allocated a mentor who after weeks of breathing down his neck said he couldn’t work out how to help him.

He lost his confidence in how to behave which was apparent at a recent children’s party, when he was being play tackled and teased, he walked unhappily away as though he no longer trust his judgement or ability to interact without getting told off. His behaviour was under the spotlight and appears as a result to have got worse at school. The school brings me in meetings but they seem to have come to their own conclusions. How do I protect and help him from being labelled as troubled or bad? I feel bright, interested, sensitive child is being demonised.

Suggestions:

At just seven years the child can be helped to overcome his difficulties, all too often we hear about children whose behaviour has been misinterpreted and handled in what we perceive to be an inappropriate way, and this simply serves to make the situation worse I am always quick to encourage parents to talk to their school and work with the teachers, but it seems that in this case the parent feels that the school has potentially made the situation worse for their son, and led to a deterioration in his behaviour.

The child clearly takes a lot of pride in his work which should be admired and praised, however if he is finding it hard to cope with other children doing better than him at school than this is the first issue that needs to be addressed. It is important that children receive regular praise and encouragement for all their school work and activities, but it is equally important to stress that nobody gets everything right all the time and that being perfect at everything is simply not realistic. One way to help the child could be to identify different people within the family or circle of friends who all have a particular talent in one area. Ask relatives or friends to talk to him about the strengths and weakness that they have. This may help him to understand that he simply can’t be brilliant at everything all the time, and that we all have our strong points. It is unfortunate that the child has put himself under such immense pressure to be the best, as this kind of stress can impact negatively on all of us.

A bright little boy who wanted to do his best and enjoy the company of other children but who is now scared to get involved in case he does something wrong. I would encourage parents to go back to the school and state their child’s case again as unfortunately the school will be pivotal in helping them and their son overcoming these difficulties.

Good touch Bad touch, Programming a touch me not society

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Developing touch me not children.

 There was a tsunami of Good touch and bad touch sessions in Preshools of India last year. Even the social media was out grown with the posts of Good touch and Bad touch. Videos of workshops or the animated films were uploaded in multi fold. ‘Good touch Bad touch’ the phrase itself gives a bad feeling. Can't we call it ‘safe’ and ‘unsafe’ touch? That sounds better. 

Preschools invited experts to guide the teachers, parents and children as well. Even I got invitations to address the concerned population; fortunately I was preoccupied and did not accept the invitation. If I had, I would have spoken against the motion. Instead of explaining all about the touch I would have laid stress on the safety measures and trained the mature minds to take the responsibility of their children. We can't burden the immature minds, where the decision making hasn't been developed yet, to decide between good and bad. 

The Tsunami of good and bad touch was irritating me and that irritation helped me to think beyond the surface and I could think of the society after fifteen to twenty years from now, "The touch me not society". 

Every message or action leaves an impression on child's mind. The verdict of good touch and Bad touch too would leave an impression on the mind of the child which will reflect in later years. A baby's first experience to the surrounding environment occurs through touch. The touch sense develops in prenatal period. This sense never turns off or takes a break in fact; it continues to work after other senses fail in old age. 

Touch is essential for a child's growth in physical abilities and even social and emotional development. Touch is not only imperative for short term advancement with infancy and early childhood sensory experience but also for long term development within the child. Touch even continues to play an important role, both in the early development of physical and communication skills and also in a child's ability to participate in physical activities that incorporate touch and movement benefit children because they learn and develop by touching and feeling different objects especially the kinesthetic learners. 

 Long term effect of touch varies from educational results to social and emotional growth. The very cautious parents or over protective parents would not allow their children to touch or touched by anyone. Touch deprivation is probably most damaging to a child because unlike the other four senses underdeveloped. Lack of gregariousness or interest in exploring the environment, timidity and withdrawal from virtually all social situations with concomitant self directed stereotyped behaviour oblivious aversion to physical contact with others, hyperaggressivity gross abnormalities in sexual behaviour and later in adulthood, the inability to nurture off springs with failure to nurse, neglect and abusive behaviour being highly predictable. Studies in this field reveal that the potential for a great deal of psychological human damage occur at a very early age. Essential aspects of development including most importantly sexual affectionate development is arrested or severally damaged.

Touch has a healing effect and it has its therapeutic uses too. Restricted touch will lead to violent behaviour and violent society. When we hear a child abuse incident the anger is obvious to rise but we feel helpless to do something about it. Of course we need spread knowledge and sensitise the people in the society. 

Awareness of the child's safety and moral education are the only tools which can reduce such incidents. It needs to be eradicated completely. The world needs to be the safest place for every child to live in, that can be developed by giving higher standards of living that are moral values. 

Safety first: 

The foremost need is to have protecting and caring parents. Aren't we making children fearful about any touch? Each time the parent, teacher or any other adult will tell the child about such good or bad touch the fear will be reinforced. Researches state that the close members (93%) of the family mostly abuse children. When someone, a child has been taught to trust, begins touching the private areas in a way that makes them feel good. They are left wondering why this is considered bad touch. 

 Is the sexual assault to the child is the only child abuse? Child is at a risk in all aspects.

 Educate your children, educate yourself: 

Rather than focusing on catchy phrase ' 'Good touch and Bad touch' consider ‘Be aware, afraid not.’ 

Lythgoe (2005) suggests that it is through the sense of touch that we learn to know and find our way in the world. 

As early as eight weeks gestation an embryo able to respond to a touch on the cheeks and by 32 weeks an array of sensory sensations are perceived through temperature, pressure, touch and pain (Montagu 1986) 

When touch is an integral part of an infant daily routine, growth and sleep are facilitated and performance on infant development test is enhanced (Cigales et. al, 1997, Field 2003) 

The touch is essential to human health and well being. Positive tactile communication is deliberately incorporated as part of the daily routine. Various researches have reported that using touch tenderly help to communicate more effectively with children, adults and old people even. Touch reduces depression. There are evidences that touch increases quality of life. 

Aren't we encouraging the touch deprivation by giving the message of good touch and Bad touch? What happens early in life invariably influences later experiences. 

Children who are deprived of touch often suffer physiological and psychological problems. The earlier in life this occurs, the more serious the implications and outcomes (Hertensteins 2002) 

Children suffering from touch deprivation suffer more illness from capacity, increased hyperactivity and an increase in aggressive behaviour (Field, 1999) 

Field suggests that touch deprivation during childhood and adolescence may contribute to the higher incidence of violence in adulthood. 

Prescott (1990 found that in societies where more physical affection was given to children, there was also a lower rate of adult physical violence. At times even perfectly innocent people action can sometimes be misconstrued and can cast a shadow over the relations and careers. 

ALERT: 

See Alert 

Listen Alert

Talk Alert 

Touch Alert 

Alone Alert

Hold Alert 

Smell Alert

Sense Alert 

The child should not be victimised. 

The tension inherent in this complex topic needs to be more transparent. Current attitude towards, touch reveals that there is much to understand about the meaning and implications of 'no' or 'low' touch. A qualitative exploratory approach is required which provides progress that meets the needs of all the children, adults and the society.

https://youtu.be/66CjkQyy4AY?si=nwAneosuOhZYPP0V